Victorian of Britain has lost her dear kitten
by Ella is a teacup
Summary: So now it is up to Ciel Phantomhive to find it. Hopefully this story won't end up being as silly as it sounds. It is set before the end of season one.
1. Chapter 1

When Ciel Phantomhive was bored, he would notice things for Sebastian to do. Things like the rug being crumpled, or that his desk was messy. When Ciel Phantomhive was bored, Sebastian Michaelis had his work cut out for him.

Today, Ciel was not bored. Actually he was rather interested in the letter that was directly in front of him. The Queen's seal was marked into the wax, so Ciel knew it would the letter would contain a new case for the Queen guard dog to sink his teeth into. Sebastian entered the room briefly to give him his tea and cakes, then left his master to it.

Ciel opened the letter.

Ciel Phantomhive,

The Queen makes it part of your duty to only help with cases that are affecting the public of London. This case, although, is personal matter to her highness, and she would like to ensure that no word of this will get out.

Two weeks ago, the Queen's cat gave birth to a kitten of the highest breeding. Two days ago, the kitten was kidnapped from the palace by a man all in black, and the Queen wishes for your assistance in finding them.

Sincerely,

The office of her royal highness.

Ciel gave this a long thought. He wanted to think that the stupid kittens were just lost somewhere, but then there was the part about the man in black. He took a bite of his cake.

"Urgh!" Then he spat it out again. There was a long, black hair stuck in cakes white icing. Now that he noticed, there were several hairs floating in his tea as well. Tea was a matter close to Ciel's little heart, so he yelled for Sebastian. Not yelled, but YELLED.

"SEBASTIAN!" Yelled Ciel. Although his butler rarely - if ever - made mistakes, when he did, Ciel made sure that Sebastian got his face rubbed in them. Sometimes literally. As Sebastian entered, Ciel grabbed his butlers hair, and pulled Sebastian's face downwards into the earl grey tea. Sebastian let himself be pulled about by the funny little earl, and after Ciel let go of him, he raised his head from the teapot. Tea ran down his neck, and drips were already sliding down from his sleek hair. His face was unreadable. His smile was smothered, like he was going to laugh, while his eyes had a expression of cold fury.

"I take it the tea was not to your liking, my lord?" Sebastian asked. Ciel was fuming.

"No it was not! Your stupid hair was floating around in it! It was in the cake as well!" Ciel's normally pale face was tomato coloured.

"My apologies, my lord. I shall return with better quality refreshments." Sebastian left. Ciel sat back down, and picked up the letter, which was slightly damp from the drowning ceremony in the teapot.

Now to find that kitten . . .


	2. The Suspect List

It had been two days since the drowning ceremony in the teapot. Ciel had suceeded in drawing up a list of suspects.

The list included Undertaker, Finny and Grell. Undertaker - because he fitted the description the letter had stated, for he was always dressed in black. Also, Ciel was sure it was not beyond Undertaker to test out cat-coffin sizes on a live specimen. Plus, there was the undeniable fact that Undertaker was complete weirdo.

Finny - Ciel was sure that Finny was the type of idiot who would "adopt" animals that didn't need adopting. Even though Ciel knew that birds were more his soft spot, Finny would definitely fall for anything that was cute.

And Grell Sutcliff.* The trouble making death god would probably do something silly like hold the poor cat hostage to get Sebastian's attention. And knowing Sebastian's love of cats, it would probably work.

But Ciel was noticing that he didn't have his butlers attention a lot of the time. When Sebastian served him his tea, he would stare blankly at the tea tray, like he would enjoy being somewhere else. The minute Ciel gave him permission to leave, he would rush off as if he something important awaiting him down in the kitchen.

_Perhaps he's upset over the tea incident,_ thought Ciel. But then, his butler didn't normally appear to get upset even at the most heart-breaking of times. Surely being drowned in tea – good quality tea – was not the worst punishment that Ciel had ever given the hard-working butler? Slaps across the face, embarrassments and insults were all given to the butler, yet he tended to receive them as if they were just all part of his job. What was different about the accident two days ago? _Maybe he doesn't like tea? _It was true, Ciel had never seen his butler eat. But then, surely earl grey tea was a lovely flavour, even to demons. _It _was _boiling hot_, thought Ciel. Maybe Sebastian had been burnt? _Nonsense, Sebastian doesn't get hurt by daggers_. He sighed, then shook the thoughts out of his head like he was shaking water from his hair. He looked at the suspect list again, then, feeling he had no idea where to start, slumped down in his chair and called Sebastian for some more tea.

* Yes, I am aware that Grell Sutcliff probably has no interest in cats, (except for when he is dressing up as one) but I couldn't write a fan-fic without him in it.


	3. Finny's Interview

He decided to start the investigation with Finny. The gardener was nearly crying when Ciel asked him to his office. Ciel sat behind his desk, and fiddled with the papers on his desk. He didn't truly think it was Finny – the boy had a large mouth and couldn't keep anything a secret. Ciel nodded at the chair directly opposite him and Finny sat down.

There was a long silence.

"Uh . . . Is there a r-reason you asked me to come to your office today, my l-lord?" Asked Finny. He was squirming in his seat like the chair was a hot surface.

"Yes." Ciel knew he was making Finny uncomfortable. _Oh well_, he thought, _criminals are more likely to slip up when they are nervous._

"Is the gardening not up to your standards?"

"No."

"Am I in trouble?"

"Maybe." Finny bit his lip until it looked close to bleeding. Neither of them said anything for a while.

"Tell me, Finny, do you like cats?" Finny looked surprised.

"Uh . . . not particularly, my lord." Ciel was having serious doubts about Finny. He didn't seem like a criminal, and he was giving Ciel a strange look, possibly wondering if he could be fired for not liking cats.

"Thank you Finny, that will be all."

Finny left, tripping up on the rug as he left and closing the door awkwardly hard.

Sebastian entered minutes later. Ciel looked up. The butler had no sweets on him, and Ciel had not rung the bell demanding help from Sebastian.

"My lord."

"Sebastian."

"May I enquire to the meaning of the inquiry you just held with Finny, my lord? The boy is making noise in the kitchen, convinced you are going to fire him. It is starting to disturb the other servants, my lord."

"I'm not going to fire anyone. I had the silliest idea that he was a suspect for a case I'm working on." The butler smiled.

"And what sort of innocent case would it be, where Finny would be the culprit?" Ciel sighed. Sebastian, seeing that the boy was not going to say any more about his case, began back to the door. Ciel called after him.

"Wait, Sebastian - prepare a carriage to the Undertaker's parlor." Sebastian nodded.

"Yes, my Lord."


	4. Undertaker's Interview

It only took a short while for Sebastian to drive Ciel to Undertaker's parlour, but it was already growing dark when they got there. They both stood outside for a long time, pondering on what the visit would bring.

"Shall we, my lord?" Sebastian opened the door for him to enter. Ciel walked into the musty parlor, then turned on Sebastian, not making him able to enter.

"Oh, another investigation, my lord?" Sebastian smile was controlled, but if his eyes could have laughed, they would have. The red-brown coloured pupils he had when he was playing the role of a innocent butler were glittering like jewels. Ciel left him outside.

Undertaker's parlor would never fail to amaze and horrify Ciel. Books and coffins mixed together in a cloud of death and dust, with the current customer Undertaker was working on directly in the middle of the shop. The smell of death was overpowering. Not corpses rotting or anything morbid like that – well, the whole shop was a bit morbid. Ciel recognised the perfume that Undertaker put on his customers, and smell of the different flowers that filled their coffins. There were other smells too, the smell of books and metal.

". . . Undertaker?" Ciel suddenly felt the Undertaker's breath on his shoulder. He spun in surprise. Undertaker gave him his signature i'm-a-clinically-insane-freak smile.

"Hello, Earl."Then his smile stopped. "You-you- how dare you!" The normally cheerful death god was suddenly furious. Ciel stepped back a little.

"What?" Ciel wondered if Undertaker had somehow found out that that Ciel suspected him of stealing the kitten.

"Yo-YOU GREW! Do you realise how long I have had a be-ootiful coffin waiting here for you, and then you go and grow out of it. DO you realize how inconsiderate growing is?" Undertakers smile returned as he got momentarily distracted. "Well, he's only grown a few centimetres – wont make much of difference . . ."

"Uh, Undertaker, I have a question to ask you."

"Yes, m'lord. But you know the price for information, and I don't see that hilarious butler on you." Ciel sighed. How to make this weirdo laugh. . . He stood deep in thought for a moment, before asking Undertaker, "Are you ticklish?" Undertaker gave him a long look before bursting into uncontrollable giggles, causing the sign Sebastian was standing under to fall over.

"Hehehehehe . . . I'll tell you anything you need to know . . . hehehehe . . ." Said a weak voice from behind the coffin Undertaker had fallen down behind. Ciel was more forward with the investigation than he had been with Finny, because Undertaker couldn't lie to him now that he had made him laugh, and Ciel knew Undertaker wouldn't take offence at being a suspect in a case.

"Do you like cats?"

"I'm not a animal person."

"Have you had any . . . customers . . . lately who are cats? Or just seen an cats around here?" Undertaker shook his head, then left the earl to exit by himself. That was one good thing about Undertaker – he didn't normally ask what the bloody heck you just asked him was about.

So now the last suspect was Grell Sutcliff.


	5. The plan to find Grell Sutcliff

There was a small problem with finding a grim reaper – someone had to die before one would show up. But death was not a uncommon thing in Victorian London, and Ciel planned to find a dying entity and a grim reaper with it. But first, there was The Sebastian Problem. It was getting worse. Even when teaching Ciel Latin or tending to jobs around the house, Sebastian was away in his own little world. Long sighs would drift up from cellars when he was working down there, and he would spend a considerable more time in his room.

Ciel, not knowing what to make of it, decided it was something to do with the weather. He couldn't think of anything the butler could be upset about, nor could he think why Sebastian would want to be somewhere else when he had a contract with Ciel. The weather. That was it. It had been raining for three days now, and rivers all over London were flooding. Apparently a small town had almost been covered in muddy water. There were thirteen deaths, and the death toll would probably rise this afternoon as the rain was supposed to get worse.

Death . . . this afternoon. Ciel rang the bell on his desk for Sebastian, and he noticed how it took the butler longer than normal to come to the study.

"Yes, my lord?"

"Prepare a carriage to the flooded town. We need to be there around two o'clock." Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

"Why, my lord, do we need to pay a visit to a town that almost completely submerged? It will be tricky to get there unless you plan on swimming."

"Just find a way to get me there by two o'clock." The butler nodded, then sighed. Ciel felt like tearing his own hair out in frustration.

"What?" Demanded Ciel. Sebastian looked up.

"Sorry, my lord?"

"Why are you sighing? Is there a problem?" Sebastian smiled.

"No my lord. No problem at all." He left.

Although there a chance that it wouldn't be Grell collecting the souls of the drowned townsfolk, all grim reapers must know the location of the crazy shinigami. Now the problem would be to make them fess up. If it were that William guy, there was no chance that he would tell Ciel anything, as he hated demons and the souls they collected more than he hated Grell. Ronald might tell them though, if Sebastian beat him hard enough. Now the problem would be getting there. . .


	6. William's fall to the sound of cymbals

It was four o'clock by the time the pair arrived at the village in a rowing boat Sebastian had found. Bodies were floating face down in the coffee colored rain water, and rooftops of houses were like islands, barely tall enough to remain above water. The rain was still pouring down.

"Sebastian, can you hear a grim reaper around here?" Ciel had to yell, for the sound of the rain hitting the water was like a thousand tiny cymbals being bought together. Thunder roared behind them.

"No, my lord." At that moment, a flash of metal flew past Sebastian's ear. A hedge clipper, in fact. Both looked up to where the attack had come from, only to see William T. Speares standing on the chimney of a sunken house. A black umbrella in one hand, his hedge clippers in the other, a frowning expression plastered on his face – who else would it be?

"I have told you many times before, demon -" William spat the name as if it were a insult. "the souls in this area belong to the grim reapers." Sebastian was about to spit out a equally angry reply when Ciel stopped them.

"William, we are looking for Grell Sutciff. We have absolutely no intention of fighting you. Do you know where he is?" The grim reaper bought back his death scythe and adjusted his glasses.

"And what makes you so sure I will tell yo-" _Thwack_. The sound was like a drum behind the chorus of raindrops. It was actually the satisfying sound of Sebastian's fist hitting William's face. The reaper lost his balance and fell off the rooftop. The splash he caused sounded like a gong as the raindrop cymbals finally slowed, then stopped.

William pulled himself out of the water.

"I don't have time for this. There are several souls I have not yet collected, and you are holding me up. Grell Sutcliff is currently working on a case in town – you'll probably find him in a clothes or make-up store. His ability to procrastinate doubles when there are shops around."

Ciel looked at Sebastian, who was now perched on the roof like a dark bird.

"Sebastian, we are going to town."

"Yes, my lord."

And with that they set off, leaving William the reaper wet and very pissed.


	7. Grell's interviewshopping trip

Victorian shops were not nearly as chaotic as malls today, but the shops in central London were still enough to make Ciel feel faint. As a teenage boy who was A, a total emo, and B, a bit of a freak towards bright colors, Ciel was not very welcome in the masses of shops full of girls in pastel dresses. He looked to Sebastian for support and guidance, only to see that his butler looked just as out of place as he did. In fact, the bright lights, colous and noise seemed to pull at his tall figure so it looked like the demon was swaying.

"My lord, William said that the reaper would probably be in a clothes or make-up shop. Shall we look for him there?"

"Yes . . ." Ciel trailed off. He was still adjusting to his new environment, which was using up a lot of his brain. Eventually after a minute of silence, his brain started working again.

"Okay. You go look for someone dying around here, as there is a chance that he'll be close by them. I'll go into these shops here." Ciel turned to face "these shops here", to be met by the smell of dresses and perfume. It was definitely Grell's sort of place.

He walked into the shop, leaving his butler outside still looking a tad lost, and started to look around the shop as if he were browsing. Admittedly, it was a hard act to pull off as the only clothes to browse through were definitely not for boys to wear – or for children under fifteen to lay eyes on. After a few minutes of trying to hide under his top hat, Ciel left the shop, only to hear a dreadfully familiar voice from the roof.

"Oh my . . . a earl like you in a shop like this? Well, I really thought I was the only male brave enough to enter there, but if it's what you earls are doing nowadays I guess I can't protest . . ." It was Grell of course, sitting on the sign above the shop, swinging shopping bags so that they were whipping past Ciel's ear.

"W-why are you here, Grell? You shouldn't be in the human world unless someone's going to die." Ciel tried to put on an authoritative tone, but Grell swung the shopping bags again and they knocked off Ciel's top hat. A group of girls outside the shop giggled – well, after all, they couldn't see Grell, so all they could see was the earl Phantomhive talking to a imaginary person and getting his hat knocked off in reply. Ciel tried to shake off the stares.

"Silly Early, I've already collected my souls for today. Would you like to see the outfits I've bought? I think William will love me in this one – whereas Sebastian might like me in the black bra . . ." Ciel's cheeks burned. Nothing is worse then talking to a grim reaper about his clothes.

"Grell, I'm not here for you to impress my butler-"

"Ooh! You're jealous! Jelly jelly jelly! Ciel is a wobbly jealous jelly!"

"Jealous of what?!" Ciel could feel his anger flaring just like his cheeks.

"Jealous of Sebas-chan and I! Although I know how you feel, believe me! He's a demon truly worthy of death!" Grell did his little awkward hand sign, although it was a little more awkward than normal, as the shopping bags on his arms made it hard to do the signature hand motion.

Ciel sighed, then made another attempt at the interview.

"Do you have a cat?" Grell looked confused.

"Why? Because if Sebby was asking about my pussy, I'm not sure if you've got the right end of the stick. . ." He jumped down from the rooftop so he was standing next to Ciel. Ciel tried to keep the wave of nausea rising in his throat down.

"No – I'm really talking about a cat that has gone missing. Have you seen any?" Grell looked disappointed.

"No, no, cats aren't allowed in the shinigami realm. William hates getting hair on his suits, you know." Ciel sighed. This whole investigation had been pointless.

"Master!" Ciel looked to where the smooth voice had come from, only to see Sebastian walking towards them, fast. He obviously didn't trust Grell with his Bocchan.

"Bassy!" Grell leapt towards him, lips outstretched, only to have his face crushed into the concrete by a punch thrown by Sebastian.

Sebastian continued toward Ciel.

"Master, if you have finished with your investigation, I suggest that we head back to the manor. The servants will be running wild and its getting late." Suddenly feeling tired, and a total failure, Ciel nodded his agreement. They headed back towards the carriage, leaving Grell alone in the empty street.


	8. Sebastian, Ciel, and a large black bag

Ciel didn't feel like getting up. He hadn't had a very good night's sleep – he had been tormented with dreams of trying to find his way home with a very drunk Ronald Knox. And yet the curtains flew open at eight o'clock exactly, and the normal silk-smooth voice greeted him.

"Good morning, young master." Ciel didn't move, or even talk. He, the queen's guard dog, had failed. On the easiest task he had ever been given. To find a cat. He couldn't even do that without Sebastian's help. Was he a truly useless human being?

_I am the Earl Phantomhive, _he thought. _I am NOT going to be defeated by a CAT._

"Young master?" Sebastian repeated. Ciel forced himself up.

"Yes, yes, I am up. Be quiet."

"Are you all-right, young master? You seem a little . . ." It was quite clear Sebastian was searching for some other word than "grumpy".

"I'm fine. Help me get dressed all ready."

Two hours later, sitting in his study, Ciel was just thinking of calling Sebastian for more cakes when the butler appeared. Ciel looked him up and down silently. No cake tray. No new letter from the queen. Just a small, odd-shaped black bag. _Please, do not inform me that I'm taking part in yet another dance lesson, _Ciel thought.

"Please forgive for intruding, young master, but it is about your current case with the queen." Ciel's head snapped up. His butler stood in front of him, his eyes coal-black, the rest of his face unreadable. _He's still distracted by something_, Ciel thought.

"Yes?" Ciel was genuinely curious. His butler didn't know about the case, and the black bag surely wouldn't contain a new letter from the queen – it was the wrong shape entirely.  
"You seemed a little, excuse me for being blunt, aggravated this morning, and given that Grell Sutcliff appeared to be the last suspect you interviewed, that would not normally be out of the ordinary." He paused for breath. "But you do not appear to be making a new move on this case, and, after all, what type of butler would I be if I couldn't please my master?" This was hardly a line out the ordinary, but Ciel's attention was focused on the bag. Did it just . . . move? "So I took a look through your case files -"

"You WHAT?" Ciel shouted. Sebastian silenced him with a steely look.

"And I found the file on your current case. The queen of Britain has lost her kitten, and yet the Guard dog can't find it. Hence the grumpy wake up." Ciel shot him an equally steely look, but the butler continued. "Even without me, you are a good detective, good enough that normally, the case would be closed by now. Yet, it isn't." He paused again. "You haven't solved the case yet, because . . . because, I am responsible for the kidnapping of the queen of England's kitten."

And with that, the bag flew open and a small, fluffy grey kitten fell out and rolled onto Ciel's desk.


End file.
